I have always loved fantasy, because, you know, avoiding reality is fun. I think Chronicles of Narnia was my first foray into the genre as a kid, and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is one of my favourites of the series. I loved this crazy TV movie of it made in 1988 on BBC; it was 3 VHS tapes, and I was obsessed. I made my mom rent it for me at least once a month for about a year.
But… oh man… so many adults in animal costumes, and they are not good ones. There is a beaver couple who essentially look like gigantic, overly ripe avocados… with black face. The only way they can move is at the wrist and the ankle… just waddling avocados.
I can’t imagine the effect it had on the youth… Oh, wait, I can! Pretty sure it awakened the furry in many people. I, personally, had a crush on the faun. Yep, half goat, half man, very confusing. Especially when they made the blockbuster version and James McAvoy played him… jeez.
Anyway, I have some qualms with this wonderful classic of a tale. Well, just a qualm really. Now, there are four siblings – two boys and two girls. The youngest boy is Edmund, and Edmund is not the most liked. He’s, well… he’s a dick, but that’s not why I don’t like him. I don’t like him because of one thing.
Early on in the book, Edmund goes and follows his younger sister through a wardrobe and gets lost in these magical woods. He comes across a ‘queen’ who tells him he can have anything to eat and that she’ll conjure it up for him with her magic potion.
So, he’s lost and cold, because it’s always winter in the wardrobe, and he’s probably pretty damn hungry. Now, he could have anything. Any warm, delicious meal he could think of, and what does this dick of a kid do? He asks for Turkish Delight.
If you don’t know, Turkish Delight is a candy from Turkey, obviously, and is also popular in the UK, which is where this story takes place. It’s a book about early 20th-century British kids hiding from WWII bombings, running around in a wardrobe, up to no good, and ordering candy from a stranger. May I say, though, regardless of the situation, anything with the word “delight” in it is a terrible name for this gelatinous cube of nonsense.
It’s gummy, with the stringy bits like toffee when you bite it, but instead tastes like regrets and sweetened horse hooves. Edmund asks for this ‘candy’; it’s covered in icing sugar, appearing in this fancy silver tin, and it looked so good in the movie! When I tried it though… God damn… it broke something inside me.
I’ve been asking why it bothers me so. I realized it’s like when you learn Santa isn’t real, which honestly is not that credible when you really think about it… Unlike the actual possibility that a candy is delicious. As the name entails!
I have been fucking duped! I have been lied to for years; my trust has been broken, and trust is of some consequence to me. Once it’s gone, it’s hard for me to feel it again. I was led to believe this Turkish delight was beyond all other foods. It was supposedly worth sacrificing a proper meal. What bullshit…
In North America, we covered it in chocolate – yeah, the Big Turk. “Because everything’s better covered in chocolate”, right? NO… At least they didn’t lie and put ‘delight’ on it.
Edmond could have had anything!
That’s really the point, though. Edmund, a shitty character, makes shitty choices. So, I guess I applaud Mr. Lewis for the realism.
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